How Subtle Judgments and Exclusion Can Turn the Workplace Toxic — and How to Find Support.
Workspaces are meant to be environments of productivity, innovation, and collaboration. However, when the dynamics between coworkers take a turn for the worse, they can become toxic spaces where individuals feel ostracized or bullied. It’s time to talk about a type of bullying that often goes unnoticed—where the target isn’t based on performance, but on being different.
What is workplace bullying?
Bullying is usually seen as acts or verbal comments that could psychologically or 'mentally' hurt or isolate a person in the workplace. Sometimes, bullying can involve negative physical contact as well. Bullying usually involves repeated incidents or a pattern of behaviour that is intended to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate a particular person or group of people. It has also been described as the assertion of power through aggression.
Subtle Bullying: The Everyday Reality of Being Different
Many of us have heard of or even experienced workplace bullying, but it isn’t always as clear-cut as we might imagine. It’s not always about outright insults or confrontation; sometimes, it’s the subtle actions that add up over time, like:
Comments About Appearance: Dressing well or taking care to present yourself professionally should be something to be proud of. Yet, for many, dressing "too nicely" in the eyes of colleagues can lead to negative remarks or exclusion. Phrases like “Who are you trying to impress?” may sound casual, but they often carry a layer of judgment that can be isolating. It’s the small hints that you’re “trying too hard” or that you don’t fit into the status quo that make people question their worth.
Choosing Not to Participate in Traditions: Many workplaces have traditions like Secret Santa or themed dress-up days, and while they can be fun, they aren’t for everyone. Not enjoying Secret Santa or choosing to opt out of these activities doesn’t make someone any less committed or enthusiastic about their work. Unfortunately, being different in these situations often invites unwanted scrutiny, jokes, or exclusion from team events.
Not Knowing Why You're Being Targeted: Sometimes, the hardest part of workplace bullying is not even knowing why you’re being picked on. You might just be doing your work, staying professional, and yet still feel that you’re the target of unwarranted remarks or exclusion. It can feel deeply unfair and leave you constantly second-guessing your actions and questioning whether you belong.
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Spreading malicious rumours, gossip, or innuendo.
Excluding or isolating someone socially.
Intimidating a person.
Undermining or deliberately impeding a person's work.
Physically abusing or threatening abuse.
Removing areas of responsibilities without cause.
Constantly changing work guidelines.
Establishing impossible deadlines that will set up the individual to fail.
Withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information.
Making jokes that are 'obviously offensive' by spoken word or e-mail.
Intruding on a person's privacy by pestering, spying or stalking.
Assigning unreasonable duties or workload which are unfavourable to one person (in a way that creates unnecessary pressure).
Underwork – creating a feeling of uselessness.
Yelling or using profanity.
Criticizing a person persistently or constantly.
Belittling a person's opinions.
Unwarranted (or undeserved) punishment.
Blocking applications for training, leave or promotion.
Tampering with a person's personal belongings or work equipment.
Is bullying a workplace issue?
Yes, bullying is a workplace issue. In Canada, occupational health and safety laws include the concept of due diligence. Due diligence means that employers shall take all reasonable precautions, under the particular circumstances, to prevent injuries or incidents in the workplace. Every person should be able to work in a safe and healthy workplace. The legislation in your jurisdiction will describe the roles and responsibilities for workplace parties with respect to workplace harassment and violence, including developing and implementing policies and programs. Definitions of harassment and violence often formally include bullying, but can be implied if not.
The Impact of This Behavior
The impact of such bullying shouldn’t be underestimated. Experiencing these microaggressions day after day can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even a drop in job satisfaction and performance. The workplace is a space where people should feel comfortable being themselves—whether that means dressing sharply, choosing not to participate in certain activities, or simply holding different values.
"Workplace bullying often leads to a cycle of self-doubt, but it’s crucial to recognize that the issue lies with those who choose to bully or exclude others. Restoring confidence requires reframing your perspective and surrounding yourself with environments that promote respect and inclusion." (Dr. Gary Namie, Workplace Bullying Institute Co-Founder)
How Coworking Spaces Foster an Inclusive Environment
Coworking spaces bring together individuals from diverse industries and backgrounds, which creates a unique culture of respect and inclusion. Here are some ways coworking environments already help foster a positive atmosphere:
Clear Guidelines for Respect and Professionalism: In coworking spaces, respect is a foundational value. Clear expectations are set to ensure that everyone understands the importance of professionalism, making it easier for individuals to feel comfortable and valued.
Celebrating Individuality: Coworking spaces embrace diversity—whether it’s someone’s personal style, unique work habits, or individual preferences. Unlike traditional office environments where there can be pressure to conform, coworking spaces allow people to truly be themselves and celebrate individuality.
Open Communication Channels: In these shared environments, open communication is encouraged. Whether through organized events, casual conversations, or community feedback, coworking spaces offer opportunities to share ideas and discuss issues, helping address concerns in a proactive and supportive manner.
Leading by Example: The culture in coworking spaces is shaped by the members themselves. People from different fields come together to lead by example, demonstrating respect, inclusivity, and collaboration in their everyday interactions. This collective leadership ensures that the space remains welcoming for everyone.
The Value of Coworking Spaces
Coworking spaces They can be an incredible solution for those who have felt out of place or singled out in traditional work environments. Coworking spaces offer a unique opportunity to be surrounded by individuals from different industries and backgrounds—people who bring their own ideas, work styles, and personalities without the same pressure to conform. This diversity often creates a culture of respect and an acceptance of differences, making it easier to feel comfortable being yourself.
How can bullying affect an individual?
People who are the targets of bullying may experience a range of effects. These reactions include:
Shock.
Anger.
Feelings of frustration and/or helplessness.
Increased sense of vulnerability.
Loss of confidence.
Physical symptoms such as:
Inability to sleep.
Loss of appetite.
Psychosomatic symptoms such as:
Stomach pains.
Headaches.
Panic or anxiety, especially about going to work.
Family tension and stress.
Inability to concentrate.
Low morale and productivity.
Ways to Reclaim Your Confidence
If you've experienced bullying in the workplace, you might find that your confidence has taken a hit. Rebuilding that confidence is crucial—not just for your professional growth, but for your overall well-being. Here are some actionable steps to help you reclaim your self-assurance:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's natural to feel hurt, frustrated, or confused after experiencing bullying. Allow yourself to acknowledge these emotions without judgment. Writing about your experiences in a journal or discussing them with a trusted friend can help you process your feelings and move forward.
Recognize Your Strengths: Remember what makes you unique and valuable. Whether it’s your work ethic, creativity, or problem-solving skills, take time to reflect on your strengths and achievements. Listing your accomplishments and revisiting them regularly can help remind you of your worth.
Create Boundaries: If possible, set clear boundaries with those who are engaging in bullying behavior. Whether that means minimizing unnecessary interactions or being firm in how you expect to be treated, boundaries can provide a sense of control in challenging situations.
Seek Supportive Communities: Find environments that celebrate diversity and individuality. Coworking spaces, for example, are filled with like-minded individuals from different backgrounds who value respect and collaboration. Connecting with supportive communities can help you rediscover your sense of belonging.
Engage in Activities That Make You Feel Good: Spend time on hobbies or activities that bring you joy and build your confidence. Whether it’s exercising, practicing a creative hobby, or taking a professional development course, engaging in activities that make you feel good can boost your self-esteem and resilience.
Practice Positive Affirmations: Repeating positive affirmations can help shift your mindset. Affirmations like "I am worthy of respect," "I bring value to my work," and "I deserve to be treated well" can be powerful tools in reshaping how you see yourself and how you react to negativity from others.
Consider Professional Support: Therapy or coaching can be helpful for processing your experiences and gaining new perspectives. A professional can provide the tools needed to cope with bullying, rebuild self-esteem, and develop strategies to navigate difficult situations in the future.
Reclaiming your confidence after experiencing workplace bullying takes time and intention. Remember, it’s not about changing who you are to fit in—it's about recognizing your worth and finding the right environments where you can thrive.
Closing Thoughts
Workplace bullying can make standing out feel like a flaw, but being yourself is a strength. By reclaiming your confidence and seeking supportive environments, like coworking spaces, you can find the respect and positivity you deserve. Remember: you are not alone, and you are worthy just as you are.
Sources:
Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety
The Bullyy-free Workplace. Gary Namie phd., Ruth F. Namie phd.
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